I was watching the Tony Robbins documentary the other day called “I am not your guru”. He was talking to a lady in the audience about her issues with her drug addict father, and how he has affected her life. Tony’s concept is that if you’re going to cast blame, you need to do it deeply and entirely. You need to blame from your soul, not just your head. You cannot just blame something for what you feel it took from you; but also for the gifts it gave you.
Your blame needs to be honest, because no matter which way you look at an event, it caused positives and negatives. If you’re going to blame or resent something (or someone), you also need to blame them for the good you got out of the situation. Don’t blame from a single part of your body; blame from the core of who you are.
What blame am I carrying around?
The documentary got me thinking about what blame and resentment I have within me. There were two main things that came to mind:
1) I had a difficult start to life
While I don’t intend on sharing details, I had a very traumatic experience when I was younger. I resent the self-confidence it took from me. I blame it for the fears and scars it left behind. For feeling like I never got a true childhood. I blame it for the choices in men I used to make. I’ve always thought about how much easier my life would be if it had not happened.
But what gifts should I also be blaming it for?
The event made me grow up quickly, which has opened opportunities for me in life. It made me value being fit and strong. It made me incredibly self-reliant because I never wanted to be dependent or at the mercy of someone else again.
I love those aspects of me.
I’ve always said I hate my debt. I dream about the day it is gone. Having debt does not feel like a good thing, at all.
I blame it for making me feel unsuccessful. For feeling like I am stuck and falling behind my peers. I blame it for making me lose sleep, and not feeling like I can travel.
Even debt has offered some positives though. I need to blame it for the degree it allowed me to get. It needs to be blamed for lighting a fire in me of how to build a better life. I have to blame it for making me take a risk on getting a higher paying job (which I got).
I’d have to blame it for the creation of this blog, which I love.
It’s not easy to blame from your soul. Blaming for the negatives only feels much more natural.
The more you practice this though, the more fire gets taken out of your blame and resentment.
Some life experiences truly are horrible. You do not need to be happy they occurred, and you certainly do not need to put yourself in a position where they may occur again. This also is not a license to treat others poorly.
Ultimately, carrying around blame and resentment only hurts yourself though. The past has already happened; now you get to decide what to do with it.
Maybe you will see the opportunities that came out of it. Perhaps you will see the personal growth. Ultimately, maybe you will just find peace with the things you once hated.
Blame from your soul, not just your head.
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